On DEATH

On DEATH 

Today you are here; breathing, walking and watching the world around. Tomorrow who knows you might be buried or turn into ashes. In a blink life is over. It is absolutely unpredictable & our journeys are mysterious. All that is true and known to me is NOW in this present moment. The one I can feel and sense here. The one after this & the many lined up afterwards aren’t in anybody’s control. 

I don’t own my life as I have no guarantee of its length. And surprisingly no one can give that guarantee. Not even the astrologers, doctors, scientists, priests, nor the wealthiest and wisest human beings. And that’s how no one owns it. The only owner of it could be this very moment. What’s wonderful & bountiful is filled in this moment. One can only trust that and go ahead with life as it pleases you. Beyond this there’s no assurance or no indication of anything that might come your way.  No matter how terrible or frightening it could be, it clearly gives no such prior intimidation. Someone you used to sit, laugh, dine with yesterday could be gone by today. That’s such a heartbreaking fact, which of course many of us must have seen, heard or even lived.

Death is so final and unsettling. What remains behind are only our memories. That’s especially for the ones who mourn and are shattered after seeing their loved ones leaving the world in pain. Even for those who become awfully silent and tearless, cold as ice. Again going through turbulent emotions and extreme heartache but unable to let it out in front of anyone else or even themselves. And then there are the acquaintances who extend their condolence & remain supportive in every formal way. But worst is the category of those who lose their mental balance or identity or go through a physical trauma or an attack. This vulnerable chunk then becomes the next challenge even before coming out of the grief of the dead.

There’s no category which can be defined as right or wrong at such tragic times. And we might fall under any of these depending upon the circumstances, our bond and closeness with the dead.

Such an intense & sensitive subject; so far I have never had that nerve to write on this. Several times before I had made an attempt but couldn’t get it right. And even now it’s not going to be a guide to anyone who is going through such pain.

Nevertheless what occurred to me strongly was the fact that among all these categories what about the one who is dead. Who knows where he travels; what he goes through; whether or not he can feel the emotional pain. There are all sorts of theories about ‘after death’ in different religions and there are various rituals to be performed to ensure that the soul is at peace or finds its way to heaven.

Apart from the theories I feel the soul comes and leaves your life to show you something. It tries to give some underlying message. No matter which of the above categories you fall under and the soul might have played the smallest or biggest role in your life; the bottom line is it came in contact with you for that shortest or longest time with a purpose. May be a reason which isn’t so noticeable or obvious to our normal perception. There are some things unrecognizable to us instantly. Deep within they all have a reason to tell us, show us, teach us something new. A message to be read & comprehended beyond the conscious world. Perhaps something that exceeds even our bonding  or relationship with that person; a universal message of life for us to unravel.

Like, I have surely learnt the value of my present moment with some recent experiences. And surely trying my best not to dwell between the past and future but to focus all my energy on my NOW.

“What not to forget in Adversity”

                    “What not to forget in Adversity”

Don’t you dread those unexciting, gloomy times when you feel nothing is going right? Such moments are so stressful that they don’t let you sleep peacefully. 

Yes, I am referring to every situation which doesn’t work as per our expectations. The disappointment can appear in any manner.  It could be something smallest as forgetting to add the most important ingredient in your recipe or anything biggest like losing your most important PPT on your presentation day. From losing your phone in an auto to having hard time with your boss, from breaking up with someone you love to having a dispute with your parents to claim your freedom, from getting upset about the daily chore which got delayed to not able to understand where exactly your life is heading. Urban life is full of chaos. Our routines are filled with plenty challenges in almost every aspect.

And while this plays on our live screen, we inadvertently search for a solution in the easiest way possible at the backstage. Solutions are not always the permanent ones, but bring some relief for time being. And everyone tries this as per their own capacity, choice, beliefs, values and obviously the circumstances. So indulging in a loud party, drinking all the worries could be someone’s decision or else talking it out with the closest person overnight for hours could be an alternative for someone. Pouring your heart in your journal or smoking it up with weed could be the answer. Meditating, joining support groups can help to find peace or simply thinking over them for hours would be the only thing possible. And then at times these issues are suppressed till such a great extent that they only raise their heads when people end up having irrational fights or when they become anxious for months, years without realizing why! Perhaps this is the worst thing out of all.

No matter what it is that bothers you, it has to come to the surface. Acceptance is the foremost important step. Such perilous times steal all our positive energy and push us to the edge. Though we never physically fall, but on emotional level we lose our grip with every passing second.

All the self-help books, therapists and our well-wishers constantly try to uplift our broken spirit with greater messages. Such affirmations sound very soothing but using them in a certain way is something that most of us aren’t aware of.

So pondering over these low periods of life, it struck me that how your own research & theories can help you a great deal. Mine taught me few lessons which I would love to share.

 This might sound odd but try to give up the thought of perfection. It’s not at all important. Acceptance, as mentioned already. Become selfish and do what feels right to your senses. Stop trying the repetitive methods of solution, try alternatives and keep changing them till you are happy. Ignore and literally avoid all that triggers or increases your problem. Make mistakes and allow yourself to make many mistakes. Talk to yourself aloud in mirror or whatever that suits you. Cry and empty your heart alone or with someone who is your favorite listener. Take a break and go back to your happy times via pictures, videos or any sorts of memories. Start afresh as if nothing ever went wrong; don’t expect it to be successful or perfect even in this attempt. Just do it to enjoy the process or to tell yourself ‘hey see, I tried’! Stop thinking over who would like it or not, you love your ways- that’s all matters. Yes, listen and consider opinions but trust only your gut. Take charge and push every intangible obstacle that underestimates you.

You might lose yourself thousand times in adversity but regaining your positive self back ten thousand times is the only way out. In fact, adversity exists to remind us of our enormous powers which we seldom explore, as usually there’s no need that arises with such a great intend. It enters to stir your soul, and to turn you into something you are meant to become.

So next time you have hardship, sit back relax and just say, ‘bring it on, I have nailed many like you before and I am prepared to drown and bounce back again with this and many like these in the future.’

Ocean of Freedom.....

 

And finally the journey begins, making its way through the woods heading towards the unknown!

 

The high mountains bring the joy of witnessing the serene nature. The rocks & high walls of greenery add to the giant feel of the surrounding. The huge rocks glued on the valleys are welcoming you if you peep outside the window. The steep turns just seem never ending, It gets better as you move ahead on your way.

 

The mother nature teaches you in so many ways you cannot even imagine of. The fearless act of every living thing instills some kind of energy in your body. It gives you a silent message of following every calling of your heart. It whispers in your ear the truth of lifetime, you were born to live free, you were born to breathe free, you were made to pursue things suited to your mood,  you were meant to follow the path directing you naturally, no inhibitions can stop you from reaching the best of yourself.

No force can limit your enthusiasm. It’s you who is the designer of this path, you can build the pathway you want to see it built. You may follow the wind, you may follow the cloud, as long as you listen to the voice of your authentic self, you have no worry of getting lost.

 

You are ready to take that leap the moment you decide you are ready! There’s no one & actually no one has any control over it but you. Every desire & each random thought has to be lived fully. ‘Getting rid of all that holds you back’, is the key to your inner self. Run & run fast behind the deep calling of your soul & don’t run behind what the external “you” is leading you towards. Because the external part of you might be practical but clueless about its own existence. Follow the route to your passion which doesn’t let you stay quiet until you live it thoroughly.

 

Wandering like this might sound crazy. Isn’t it? It is. In fact totally insane. But the thrill that doesn’t let you sleep from nights after nights has to be manifested some way. And after all, what could be the best way to express it by just simply touching the deep wishes of your heart. The inner self blesses you every time you follow its instructions, it embraces you & thank you for giving it what it really wants. And the more you ignore it or hide it under the carpet it is bruised, it is hurt & it is helpless as it cannot even express how it feels. So honor this desire & bless your soul.

 

Far away from your routine when you bring yourself to the unknown just unleash all your ties. This is the time to just let be. This is not the moment of setting any boundaries. What’s wrong & right, the do’s & don’ts aren’t so important. Dive deep into the ocean of freedom & spread your wings to fly high. There’s no today & no tomorrow & no yesterday. This is the moment filled with total zest of your entire being. Let  it take you wherever you need to be, simply listen to it & cherish being alive.  

 

 

 

The invisible pieces of Peace

47 48 49 & finally ……… 50. As I was gradually reaching the last bend of this count, I sensed some enormous satisfaction from within. The triumph wasn’t only about successfully completing the 50 stomach crunches it somehow got registered as one of the feel good factors in my mind. After the state of mental or physical achievement what remained behind was ultimate peace. And that made my evening, it really helped me to think clearly. There are some moments in your day which works as a miracle, when they occur they manifest some sort of revelation. It felt as if I had conquered some challenge which worked like a breakthrough. Even my other hidden gifts have been illuminated. Unleashing this side of you can be so alluring & it surely helps to strengthen your self-worth. And whatever guides you to connect intently to your inner self, gradually leads you to peace.  

 

Wow, all this while my belief was fixed that peace can be attained by meditation, by some sort of spiritual practices or by reading such stuff or may be joining a forum that teaches you about how to better connect with self. Now all these sources are all around us these days. And so many people find them so beneficiary. They are certainly; I don’t deny that fact, I respect them because in their own way they are helping the world to find peace.  However this workout experience made me see the never seen before. Peace isn’t something that can be found in only the ways I have known so far. Yes these ways are well known and workable, but that doesn’t mean one has to be only limited to these sources. I mean I might ask or in fact I have asked this so many times that how do you concentrate on your breathing while you mediate, as I tend to lose my focus every now and then. I have even discussed this issue with my friends who meditate on a regular basis. They gave some great suggestions according to their knowledge & experience. And I tried following it in order to learn how to meditate and then find inner peace. I am not sure how far it worked though, it surely felt nice to implement their tips.

 

Nevertheless this new discovery pushed me to think beyond the conventional concepts of finding peace. Look at us, in a life full of chaos, stress, workload, responsibilities etc. most of us find it tough to either set some time aside for activities like meditation or we are bombarded with so much information that we get confused which one should be followed!

 

Hence when this little thought struck me, I immediately decided to share it with everyone who might find it helpful. And as deeply I pondered, this finding itself brought some sort of peace to my mind.

 

So here’s what happened in my head, as I was excited about the ‘workout’ combined with ‘peace finding’ therapy it drew my attention to different activities in a day. Basically I just played my routine and tried searching if I ever had felt the same way by any other task. I had become very inquisitive to find answers to several questions popping in my head. As I went on with that mysterious notion, I couldn’t believe it but I did find a lot of similar activities like workout.

When I finish my procrastinated training project, or when I cook some innovative snacks for my loved ones, grooming my pet, watching my favorite television series, the brisk walking in the evening, reading that interesting chapter of my current novel, having a heart to heart conversation with a friend, pampering myself at home, indulging into some lip smacking delicacies, having hot chocolate at my favorite coffee shop, making that most awaited trip to some exotic destination, resting in mom’s arms, watching the sunset or the crescent moon, smoking a joint after a long time and tripping over that enigmatic state. And the list goes on and on. I am sure there are many more which I can’t even recall right now. All I want to say is these different routine experiences might carry a feeling of accomplishment, fascination, serenity, happiness, satisfaction, or excitement at first but as these moments come to an end all the above emotions get transformed into peace. Maybe all of this brings me closer to myself, the real me. And that’s why it becomes apparent that this is where I have to reach ultimately. It’s like every time I have one of these experiences I visit that inner peace in smaller pieces. These various moments show me the glimpses of that immense paradise. These beautiful elements of life have great value and hence we must make them our priority as it leads us to our best path.

 

It’s just the matter of introspecting. Once you are able to identify these precious moments of your life, it automatically solves most of the doubts in your head. You realize that everything has a reason and every incidence has a meaning. You no longer wait for someone else to solve your problem, because you realize that another person can only be there as a guide but to see that route which is meant for you is only up to you to find. Everything is connected and there’s nothing irrelevant happens in our lives. All these lessons meant to proceed towards our purpose of life. It unfolds so naturally that it’s miraculous.

 

And this is how I can certainly say that peace is scattered all around us. It can be hidden in these varied experiences. It wouldn’t occur to you so easily, but living through these moments definitely meant to direct you towards peace. As it’s so clear that at the end of it there is this inexplicable stillness which fills up your mind. It could be anything, any situation good or bad, once it’s over completely there is a long silence which is motionless. This is the real moment of peace. You no longer chase it, it’s always there,  present in front of you. Mostly we fail to realize this due to the conceptual definitions of our beliefs.

 

Nonetheless this new theory has personally helped me a lot to become calm. It might sound odd but it certainly worked. May be it wouldn’t be harmful to look at peace from this perspective. By connecting it to everything that we do, we would be getting closer to it, understand it better. And as life goes on with such instances so would peace. Hence there’s certainly no end to it, as it follows in a parallel way.

 

Here’s hoping all of us to find peace through any convenient sources feasible to us. And the invisible pieces like these are truly magnificent.     

 

 

Emotions matter at work (moving towards Emotional Quotient)

Emotions matter at work (moving towards Emotional Quotient)

If I really think of it, this incident was both impressive & intriguing for me. In one of my experiential jobs a colleague of mine had shared her wisdom and if I can clearly recall yes, it was my first job. She had said, “I cannot be/should not be what I am in my personal life while I am at work. My personal image & professional image should be different”.

That was may be my first moment of ‘external intimidation’ at work. According to me, this external intimidation is the outcome of your lack of self-assurance & over inhibition of following the mediocrity. Back then it helped me like my guideline to specially get accustomed to the hospitality industry. And of course it seemed logical, after all no matter how much I hate the finicky guest I can’t gather the nerve to say this to him upfront. Irony of a lot of service industries. Those who belong to it, surely know what I am talking about. Hence the worldly accepted rule of ‘Smiling & being courteous to them no matter what!’ was the mission of all the employees. I don’t deny the fact that being genuine all the time isn’t possible. And that human tendency can be covered only by faking sometimes especially when you have to get your work done. Gradually like many I also started believing in the fact that your emotions need to be kept aside while you are at work. One has to be detached from sensitivity & just meticulously carry out his assigned task.

All these years of this worldly accepted belief started bugging me from inside. As much as I tried following it, I felt going away from myself. I couldn’t work for long time at many places & could never find the exact reason. Sometimes blamed the company, sometimes myself or otherwise just the situation. However this internal confusion made me really uncomfortable. My heart kept telling me that you are doing right & the logical messenger of the outside world kept shutting the heart’s voice. Life was going on like usual but this puzzle was constantly making me restless.

It surely puts a smile on my face when I think of the places where it didn’t matter how long I worked, but I lived thoroughly. And when I managed to go back to those days and analyze what exactly made the difference, the answer was, “I was being myself.” I allowed myself to work beyond any apprehension only when I received those connecting vibes from the people around me. I could give my 100% because I felt valued, confident, appreciated. I enjoyed my work, the environment & more importantly the people with similar wavelength. So all these factors had nothing to do with emotions? Is it? I revisited my inner confusion & that’s when a new insight hit me harder than a thunderstorm. “One cannot work without being emotionally involved”.  

We all say when we leave a job that we actually leave the boss or the people. Why many of us believe in this fact if our logic tells us to keep emotions in a baggage deep inside us? I need to feel at home mentally wherever I work. Or else the cold-wars, so called politics, silent hatred and fakeness would drain my energy to such extreme that I will no longer work for myself but for my superficial survival. And trust me the materialistic happiness has no contribution in bringing inner peace or genuine happiness. It’s as showy as your monthly paying unsatisfying job.

Well, there are no places where conflict would not take place or obstacles may not occur. But I shouldn’t lose the hope to sort those problems. And such hope can be completely lost when my emotional needs are being stamped. If my enormous energy is never being used then what’s the use of even living. I mean, just imagine someone asking you, “what do you do for survival?”, the subconscious might answer, “something that kills me every minute!”. If in case you are trapped like this and one day you recognize this truth then it’s never too late to believe in your instinct & take the right steps to bring the change.

The Intelligence Quotient (IQ) is being desired and chased by many, but it’s the need of the hour for the human race to work on their Emotional Quotient (EQ).  Perhaps not only in the books & movies but in practical work-life as well. At a time, simple and complex ability to understand, learn and manage your own emotions & other’s emotions. Who knows the ‘Kaliyuga’ might also turn as a bearable place to live together, evolve & thrive! 

Redefining the "Commitment Phobia"

Fear is such a harmful thing to one’s mind. It can destroy everything once built with a lot of hopes. You might not realize it instantly but it does have enormous negative power if you let it grow inside you. And once you give in, it may damage each & every treasury nurtured from a long time.

I could never completely understood this notion of  “commitment phobia”. In fact I kind of hated this mindset as it seemed very selfish & humiliating trend of the modern generation. My perception was limited to the concept of people being indecisive, fickle & irrational. And one question always bothered me was, why to start with something which you are not sure of? What  I conveniently forgot while judging others is that I am also the part of this world. The utter stupidity of mine- labeling any general behavioral pattern of people into one box, believing the phrases like these god knows created by whom, and shutting all the possibilities of crossing this boundary of stereotype.

Well, the reason I find it important to talk about my earlier thinking  pattern is because I am extremely happy with the new perspective I have discovered. Describing the earlier one will be helpful to specify the difference & I can’t resist this pure joy of my little discovery with everyone.

So coming to my point, If  I would be very honest to myself there’s nothing called as “commitment  phobia” exists in relationships. I don’t deny the fact that experts might have some proven theories behind it, however it’s merely just a state of weak mind. As fear itself is a sign of losing your inner strength.

 Sounds confusing? Here’s what happened when this new finding struck me. Recently while watching the movie “Eat Pray Love” alone in a hotel room, by the way that was quite a treat to my mind. A long awaited solitude needed for me, which mostly brings some new fascinating learning. Sorry , back to my topic once more…. In the movie Julia Roberts lives & enjoys the three destinations of her voyage thoroughly & it’s shown in such a lovely way that you might be tempted to live her life for a while. So this particular scene when the eat & pray episodes are done and she encounters love, this passionate self-assured woman denies it, abandons it & runs away. Exactly at this point of the story I found her vulnerable. Not when she is in the muddled, gloomy or directionless phase.

I couldn’t stop contemplating this. And somehow my heart and brain was not able to understand the logic behind such sort of fear. On top of that my preconceived notions, beliefs & personal experiences were there to add into this basic instinct. Every aspect individually helped conducing a new outlook. Trust me, it’s straight from the heart, you might want to consider giving it a thought if  you find it sensible or may be few of you must have already realized this.

While in my deep thought process it kind of started becoming clearer that it’s not about the other person at all. In fact it’s all you & only you. The reason could be plenty right from the fear of rejection, vulnerability, infidelity, disappointments, ego clashes etc. & many more. In Julia’s case in the movie it seemed a bit different though, and in fact logical one. She has just discovered her new self, has successfully found a new path, defeated her sorrow, has indulged into the total self-love, have witnessed mind-blowing series of insights  & came quite close to inner-peace. And obviously no one wants to ever risk losing this precious self path. You only understand its value when you have lived it yourself. In such times no matter how magnetic & enchanting person or relationship you come across you would hesitate going further because simply you don’t want to lose yourself. You loathe the threat of going through similar pain. What brings immense happiness to you has a greater chance of break you anytime. No doubt that any of these are not deniable. But surely can’t be categorized or named as any pattern. Each story is different. The moment of anxiety is only filled with our own self-doubts and a chaos within, no other person to be blamed. There are only circumstances & you just get to decide what kind of part you want to play in them.

 Generally we select the most frequently followed approach to address any grievance, nevertheless harmony can be only found if you dare to choose the non easy way. We sabotage the beautiful prospective moments, we lose everything for fear. A terrible fear of our own desires, worries & a pile of doubts. The root cause is not out but inside, the weak cord with “the self”, the inadequate communication with the deeper mind, very little or no efforts of making an attempt to connect to your subconscious.

I wouldn’t say that it can be easy to get rid of this weaker version but it is indeed necessary to calm yourself & at least try the non conventional approach of dealing with this age-old relationship issue. Communication is the vital key & guides you gently with your partner. But  the outer communication with the other person would be of no use if you haven’t had the talk with your inner-self before. What’s there within you can be known only to you and it’s not a cake-walk to point that. Unfolding the mysterious layers of your subconscious and confronting its fears is a lifelong task for an individual. And certainly there are no defined time frames or rules of that.

One sure thing is that it’s imperative. Why to miss out on the unknown learning & the thrill of conquering  just by being scared of the moment. Taking risk is all worth as nothing can be your best teacher but pain. Not only it would prepare you for the future but it tears you open, unleashes your hidden potential of loving, living fearlessly. And this revelation is necessary for the growth of our mind & soul. Hence do have a regular talk with “the self” and also embrace the delight of risky camaraderie.

Ultimately what matters is whether you have lived with a total zest or not! Loved the conclusive dialogue from the movie & book by Elizabeth Gilbert “to lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced life!”