Emotions matter at work (moving towards Emotional Quotient)

Emotions matter at work (moving towards Emotional Quotient)

If I really think of it, this incident was both impressive & intriguing for me. In one of my experiential jobs a colleague of mine had shared her wisdom and if I can clearly recall yes, it was my first job. She had said, “I cannot be/should not be what I am in my personal life while I am at work. My personal image & professional image should be different”.

That was may be my first moment of ‘external intimidation’ at work. According to me, this external intimidation is the outcome of your lack of self-assurance & over inhibition of following the mediocrity. Back then it helped me like my guideline to specially get accustomed to the hospitality industry. And of course it seemed logical, after all no matter how much I hate the finicky guest I can’t gather the nerve to say this to him upfront. Irony of a lot of service industries. Those who belong to it, surely know what I am talking about. Hence the worldly accepted rule of ‘Smiling & being courteous to them no matter what!’ was the mission of all the employees. I don’t deny the fact that being genuine all the time isn’t possible. And that human tendency can be covered only by faking sometimes especially when you have to get your work done. Gradually like many I also started believing in the fact that your emotions need to be kept aside while you are at work. One has to be detached from sensitivity & just meticulously carry out his assigned task.

All these years of this worldly accepted belief started bugging me from inside. As much as I tried following it, I felt going away from myself. I couldn’t work for long time at many places & could never find the exact reason. Sometimes blamed the company, sometimes myself or otherwise just the situation. However this internal confusion made me really uncomfortable. My heart kept telling me that you are doing right & the logical messenger of the outside world kept shutting the heart’s voice. Life was going on like usual but this puzzle was constantly making me restless.

It surely puts a smile on my face when I think of the places where it didn’t matter how long I worked, but I lived thoroughly. And when I managed to go back to those days and analyze what exactly made the difference, the answer was, “I was being myself.” I allowed myself to work beyond any apprehension only when I received those connecting vibes from the people around me. I could give my 100% because I felt valued, confident, appreciated. I enjoyed my work, the environment & more importantly the people with similar wavelength. So all these factors had nothing to do with emotions? Is it? I revisited my inner confusion & that’s when a new insight hit me harder than a thunderstorm. “One cannot work without being emotionally involved”.  

We all say when we leave a job that we actually leave the boss or the people. Why many of us believe in this fact if our logic tells us to keep emotions in a baggage deep inside us? I need to feel at home mentally wherever I work. Or else the cold-wars, so called politics, silent hatred and fakeness would drain my energy to such extreme that I will no longer work for myself but for my superficial survival. And trust me the materialistic happiness has no contribution in bringing inner peace or genuine happiness. It’s as showy as your monthly paying unsatisfying job.

Well, there are no places where conflict would not take place or obstacles may not occur. But I shouldn’t lose the hope to sort those problems. And such hope can be completely lost when my emotional needs are being stamped. If my enormous energy is never being used then what’s the use of even living. I mean, just imagine someone asking you, “what do you do for survival?”, the subconscious might answer, “something that kills me every minute!”. If in case you are trapped like this and one day you recognize this truth then it’s never too late to believe in your instinct & take the right steps to bring the change.

The Intelligence Quotient (IQ) is being desired and chased by many, but it’s the need of the hour for the human race to work on their Emotional Quotient (EQ).  Perhaps not only in the books & movies but in practical work-life as well. At a time, simple and complex ability to understand, learn and manage your own emotions & other’s emotions. Who knows the ‘Kaliyuga’ might also turn as a bearable place to live together, evolve & thrive! 

Redefining the "Commitment Phobia"

Fear is such a harmful thing to one’s mind. It can destroy everything once built with a lot of hopes. You might not realize it instantly but it does have enormous negative power if you let it grow inside you. And once you give in, it may damage each & every treasury nurtured from a long time.

I could never completely understood this notion of  “commitment phobia”. In fact I kind of hated this mindset as it seemed very selfish & humiliating trend of the modern generation. My perception was limited to the concept of people being indecisive, fickle & irrational. And one question always bothered me was, why to start with something which you are not sure of? What  I conveniently forgot while judging others is that I am also the part of this world. The utter stupidity of mine- labeling any general behavioral pattern of people into one box, believing the phrases like these god knows created by whom, and shutting all the possibilities of crossing this boundary of stereotype.

Well, the reason I find it important to talk about my earlier thinking  pattern is because I am extremely happy with the new perspective I have discovered. Describing the earlier one will be helpful to specify the difference & I can’t resist this pure joy of my little discovery with everyone.

So coming to my point, If  I would be very honest to myself there’s nothing called as “commitment  phobia” exists in relationships. I don’t deny the fact that experts might have some proven theories behind it, however it’s merely just a state of weak mind. As fear itself is a sign of losing your inner strength.

 Sounds confusing? Here’s what happened when this new finding struck me. Recently while watching the movie “Eat Pray Love” alone in a hotel room, by the way that was quite a treat to my mind. A long awaited solitude needed for me, which mostly brings some new fascinating learning. Sorry , back to my topic once more…. In the movie Julia Roberts lives & enjoys the three destinations of her voyage thoroughly & it’s shown in such a lovely way that you might be tempted to live her life for a while. So this particular scene when the eat & pray episodes are done and she encounters love, this passionate self-assured woman denies it, abandons it & runs away. Exactly at this point of the story I found her vulnerable. Not when she is in the muddled, gloomy or directionless phase.

I couldn’t stop contemplating this. And somehow my heart and brain was not able to understand the logic behind such sort of fear. On top of that my preconceived notions, beliefs & personal experiences were there to add into this basic instinct. Every aspect individually helped conducing a new outlook. Trust me, it’s straight from the heart, you might want to consider giving it a thought if  you find it sensible or may be few of you must have already realized this.

While in my deep thought process it kind of started becoming clearer that it’s not about the other person at all. In fact it’s all you & only you. The reason could be plenty right from the fear of rejection, vulnerability, infidelity, disappointments, ego clashes etc. & many more. In Julia’s case in the movie it seemed a bit different though, and in fact logical one. She has just discovered her new self, has successfully found a new path, defeated her sorrow, has indulged into the total self-love, have witnessed mind-blowing series of insights  & came quite close to inner-peace. And obviously no one wants to ever risk losing this precious self path. You only understand its value when you have lived it yourself. In such times no matter how magnetic & enchanting person or relationship you come across you would hesitate going further because simply you don’t want to lose yourself. You loathe the threat of going through similar pain. What brings immense happiness to you has a greater chance of break you anytime. No doubt that any of these are not deniable. But surely can’t be categorized or named as any pattern. Each story is different. The moment of anxiety is only filled with our own self-doubts and a chaos within, no other person to be blamed. There are only circumstances & you just get to decide what kind of part you want to play in them.

 Generally we select the most frequently followed approach to address any grievance, nevertheless harmony can be only found if you dare to choose the non easy way. We sabotage the beautiful prospective moments, we lose everything for fear. A terrible fear of our own desires, worries & a pile of doubts. The root cause is not out but inside, the weak cord with “the self”, the inadequate communication with the deeper mind, very little or no efforts of making an attempt to connect to your subconscious.

I wouldn’t say that it can be easy to get rid of this weaker version but it is indeed necessary to calm yourself & at least try the non conventional approach of dealing with this age-old relationship issue. Communication is the vital key & guides you gently with your partner. But  the outer communication with the other person would be of no use if you haven’t had the talk with your inner-self before. What’s there within you can be known only to you and it’s not a cake-walk to point that. Unfolding the mysterious layers of your subconscious and confronting its fears is a lifelong task for an individual. And certainly there are no defined time frames or rules of that.

One sure thing is that it’s imperative. Why to miss out on the unknown learning & the thrill of conquering  just by being scared of the moment. Taking risk is all worth as nothing can be your best teacher but pain. Not only it would prepare you for the future but it tears you open, unleashes your hidden potential of loving, living fearlessly. And this revelation is necessary for the growth of our mind & soul. Hence do have a regular talk with “the self” and also embrace the delight of risky camaraderie.

Ultimately what matters is whether you have lived with a total zest or not! Loved the conclusive dialogue from the movie & book by Elizabeth Gilbert “to lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced life!”