Freedom

Freedom cannot be given, taken away or earned. All of us are born free no matter which gender, age, nationality or culture we belong to! 

Whether you are a home

maker waiting to take that long awaited solo trip or a passionate lover who is fighting with his parents to marry the person you love instead of arranged marriage or a creative person with a lot of inputs waiting to put your point across in the meeting in front of everyone; in all these scenarios you feel that your responsibilities, your burdens, parents, or your colleagues are stopping you, but if we think deeper we will realize it is our own fear which is taking away our freedom. 

‘Freedom cannot be completely embraced until you say goodbye to your fear.’

The famous advertisement ‘Dar ke aage jit hai’ should have been actually ‘Dar ke aage freedom aur growth hai’. Because any victory or success can’t be guaranteed, but being obsessed with it can surely keep us away from many lessons of life. 

Being raised with the motto of being successful or doing things perfectly and being scolded when we did something wrong has taken away our natural freedom of making mistakes. Do you remember riding your bike for the first time or requesting your parents for a pocket money or approaching your crush or giving that public speech in school or giving the first interview of your life?

The truth is all of these things had a risk of failure but the beautiful fact is that you made an attempt anyway, you chose freedom to give yourself an opportunity to make a mistake. 

That’s what matters to learn and grow, so why do we chase success or victory? Shouldn’t we chase freedom?  Freedom to live the way we want, to speak our heart out and to make mistakes freely!

“Never wake me up from my fairy-tale"

Why that someone special is needed? Why do we look for 'not so casual' relationship? Why after a while being unsure about someone makes us anxious?

“No, no, not again dude, you have messed enough already,” someone freaked out so

loudly that he had everyone’s attention in the coffee shop.

“Relax, I haven’t taken that step yet, I am just kind of thinking on those lines,” came the reply from the other fellow. Well I didn’t mean to eavesdrop but a little break from the novel when you are as it is going to get disturbed didn’t seem so harmful.

“What, no, you always say that in the beginning and then eventually say you don’t have control over what happens!”, the protesting friend said.

“I know, but what to do? I had no clue that first date was going to become so interesting. I was hoping that we would just have general talk over a cup of coffee and I would head back home and nothing else. But it didn’t happen. We had freaking amazing time together… and she is so awesome dude… Do you know how multitalented this girl is…. She is an artist, a guitarist, a tarot card reader and also a fashion designer. Our conversation moves from one topic to another and it just doesn’t get boring”, he continued with sheer excitement in his voice.

The listener friend had a constant ‘I know where this will lead to’ kind of smile as he sipped his coffee looking at his ‘crazy over someone’ friend, which I could notice from the mirror at my side.

“Your Green Tea , Maa’m”, the waiter interrupted my focus on them.

This got me thinking, I wondered why people decide to get into a relationship, sometimes even after having a little idea that it might not lead where they want it to be. Why do we crave for partnership at any cost? Why do we let our heart lead shutting our logical mind? No matter how strongly we try to suppress our feelings for someone, eventually our heart gives in. Sometimes under the influence of alcohol or at times just an emotional burst out or after meeting a close friend we pour our deepest secrets. Secrets of desiring someone, feel like calling or texting that someone, want of having that someone around, or may be just hoping to see their one glance, or perhaps the wish to get closer at a deeper level than the present state, or the dream of perhaps imagining your future with them. And they all look so lovely when we actually see them oozing out of our mind may it be with any external stimulation. But once they are on the surface, you feel wonderful. If it happens alone, you are elated. If it happens while conversing with a friend you hug them tight for getting this out of your system.

But once you see them and whatever they are, you unconsciously start acting on them. It is kind of procuring a license of ‘go ahead’ which you have been waiting for without your knowledge. It seems right because now they are open in front of you. And you no more have to be confused or run away from these feelings. It starts growing on you faster than you ever thought it would.

Once you have allowed yourself facing this inhibition, all cards are turned opened in front of you, and all that remains for you to do is taking the next step.

“Yes dude, I am thinking of going to the Leh road trip with her group of her friends next month…yes…and also…. We can go to…” the new lover boy’s loud voice caught my attention.

I lost them again as it went from the Leh trip plan to the bike rides, then bikes, cars, and my attention got back to the topic of my interest.

How exciting it is in the initial stage, where we slowly discover each other’s choices, our common interests, the moment when you feel the spark in their eyes, the enigmatic phase of ‘thinking of you’, ‘missing you’, ‘can’t wait to meet you’, so on and so forth.

Where does it go wrong then? What goes wrong? How do we forget these beautiful days? The initial attraction and passion fade away, and that’s true, it does. So what glues us together? Beyond the initial spark or what motivates us to hang on or to make it work with someone? It is certainly a conscious effort to make it work, a decision made by both partners involved.

“Dude…… but ……what about  Sneha? When was the last time you spoke to her? Have you really given up on you guys? I am sorry…. If I am interfering too much… but I was just concerned as you guys have not officially broken up yet…. So…..” the curious friend’s logical question added an astonishing twist to this story, I was more intrigued than before now.

For a long time I didn’t hear any respond. I tried checking from the corner of my eye in the mirror. The lover boy’s head was in his hands and he was staring at the empty plate in front of him.

“……….. She had texted…….. She was……… I don’t want…..” his charged up voice was suddenly gloomy like an unexpected stream of rain pours & fades away in few seconds.

I hated not being able to hear the whole thing though, for a moment felt like even requesting, “Dude, could you be a little louder, please?” I smiled at my stupid thought, looking down in my cup. That’s exactly when his husky voice caught my attention.

“What’s making you smile, Nisha”, he asked taking off his coat, settling in the chair in front of me.

“Nothing, I was just ……. Well… forget that… How have you been?”

“First of all, Sorry, I kept you waiting, I would be lying if I say I have been happy without your texts, calls, or our meetings…” Both of us went quiet.

We had been together from past three years, and today was the exact day, when we had met each other in the same coffee shop. From foreign trips to our bank account’s passwords, from our professional struggles to our family issues, from our fears to our success we had shared more than it was possible to delete now. But still we had decided to delete. Why? I surely don’t know. But somewhere I felt that I waited too long for him to take the next step, to ask me to marry him, which he never did. He had his own logical reasons, responsibilities of his house, and though we did discuss this in the past, we never really came to any realistic conclusion, and that used to piss me off even more. Hence I had to put an end to this one sided driven relationship, I felt like giving it some destiny, perhaps even he felt so. But it wasn’t happening in reality. And then one of the cold winter nights, I had told him that we should move on.

His eyes had changed a lot from that night. I saw pain but no expectations in them. Or was it there? Did he expect me to talk about getting back together?

“Hey Nish…. here’s all your stuff”, my heart stopped listening to that ‘Nish’ sound in his tone; felt like that Nish was being called once again. And she was lost, completely lost.

He handed me a heavy bag of all my belongings which remained at his place, my extra pair of clothes, cosmetics, our photo frames, and lot of memories which might going to turn into thorns for him and for me too, may be.

“I have already sent your courier as I mentioned in the text, it may reach you by this weekend,” I told him trying not to look into his eyes, which were now slightly moist.

“Thank you, for everything” he smiled pushing his chair back holding the table with his hands, I just couldn’t look away. His smile……!

I got up from my chair too without saying anything, was trying to bid a goodbye. He started towards the door, perhaps with a heavy heart dragging his feet, and suddenly he just turned around and asked, “Fuck this shit, do you want to give us another chance, Nish, please? I so want to…..”

And that’s exactly when my stupid phone beeped loudly flashing a what’s app text filled with hearts from Aditya “Baby…. 6:30 sharp today? Hope u r done with ur meeting with Ninad, and got all ur stuff back. Can’t wait to see u my love…” Ninad saw that too. It was too loud not to notice.

“Well…. I guess you don’t want to…..” he left neither finishing his sentence nor his coffee.

I didn’t stop him. I had to reach my new adventure before it could turn to this level, before I could face this reality with him too; I refused anything and everything that might get me out of my fairytale.

Happiness

Happiness

“It found me when I felt I had to walk miles and Climb Mountains to get it. All this while it existed so close to me that I had no clue about it. I was all busy chasing my perceived version of happiness and I had lost myself entirely while doing that. Perhaps I enjoyed the pursuing and the directionless search out of some insanity, but never realized when it had crossed the limit of being my passion and was turning into an obsession, and gradually a burden or may be a low level of depression.

And now I just find myself still, welcoming the natural and unforced set up of my new original happiness. Happiness inside me.” She had a wide grin on her face and a grateful sparkle in her eyes.

After the therapy session, Vipra opened her eyes and shared her unique experience with her new best friend and her life coach Dr. Khan.

She looked into the mirror and could feel her own dazzling energy around herself. For few minutes everything remained silent, and it felt better that way to everyone present in the room.

“ I owe many thanks to you, and have no words to express them. It was like finding a giant tree to hug, lean on and rest under its shadow after being tired running for years,” her satisfaction was evident in her words.

Vipra had been into an unusual kind of depression and emotional traumas which she herself hadn’t recognized from past 10 years. The multiple unsuccessful love relationship had taken a toll on her sentiments. Being a positive thinker and a fighter she always believed in moving on and never giving up on love. This enormous optimism had practically helped her to get accustomed to the post heart breaks and the healing process. Forgiving, forgetting and reconciling seemed right tools for her when each time she gambled with her feelings. It hurt a great deal but she kind of enjoyed the pain too. It was a melancholic state which she found comfortable to deal with.

For years, her professional success and family support kept her strong. These sides of life were sailing so stably that taking care of any other didn’t seem necessary at all. In fact none of the other sides seemed damaged, they just appeared difficult on the surface for a while and then she would naturally take care of it in her own way.

However all of that which was growing in the unknown abundant corner was ignored by her.

Vipra had no clue that her ‘never say die attitude’ had let her not realize her own wounds. She needed to see them, accept them and stop repeating her actions which caused them. Her attempt of self-healing or positive thinking wasn’t proving wrong, but ignoring so much of her own sentiments in the entire process was slowly damaging her strongest walls inside.

Vipra’s confusion between how much to give unconditionally, how much to love without expectations based on her spiritual beliefs; would often clash with the rationality of real life. She was fearless, open and lively in most of her romantic encounters. They started off well, brought a lot of joyous time to both the partners,  learnt and explored. While living that way she had said a lot of ‘No’s to her self-love. Her inner self kept dying with every step she took towards pleasing someone else. She didn’t even realize where empathizing had ended and ‘take me for a granted’ phase had started.

After being highly disturbed for a while and experiencing the impact of her brokenness on her self-confidence, she slowly sensed that there was something wrong in her life. Her unconscious always kept telling her something, which she couldn’t hear. The effect was slowly seen on her high energy in her work and personal life. There always seemed to be something unsettling which she could never point out.

She survived in that state for several years until she met her new life coach by Coincidence. Dr. Khan happened to be a life coach at her new organization. She met him during one of his one to one coaching sessions with another client. She happened to overhear the therapeutic discussion while using the cooler at the corner of a foyer of her department.

After a few unplanned conversations with Dr. Khan, made Vipra felt a bit secured in life. Suddenly the anxiety was diminishing and she just became a bit relaxed. This motivated her to move forward and formally ask for his help.

Dr. Khan being a genius in psychiatry, motivation, numerology, mythology and other expert areas naturally helped identifying her inner fears, she was astonished to find the accuracy in his analysis of her life without sharing a single detail on her own.

His unconventional psychiatric sessions were beautiful and insightful. He helped her find her own talents and gifts with the help of numerology, mythological analogies, life stories, and his liberal approach of consulting. Gradually she was healing.

The formal sessions began on daily basis, and today here she was in her second last session, feeling more poised, calm and sorted. It was as if nothing was going to take away her inner strength and newly found self-worth ever from her.

Dr. Khan replied to her appreciation, “ I am glad I could help, but you don’t have to thank me. This has become the purpose of my life. And it surely seems like a professional duty but deep inside it’s my real goal of being alive. So I would in fact thank you for helping me getting closer to that goal. This brings happiness to me.”

Vipra was overwhelmed and had no words to thank him enough, she just remembered his memorable first words of their first session “So Vipra, are you ready to find the real happiness this year?”

She was glad that she had got up from her desk, went near the cooler and overheard this master speaking of all the wisdom that day. She knew she had found her way at that moment and this time she didn’t ignore her intuition!

On DEATH

On DEATH 

Today you are here; breathing, walking and watching the world around. Tomorrow who knows you might be buried or turn into ashes. In a blink life is over. It is absolutely unpredictable & our journeys are mysterious. All that is true and known to me is NOW in this present moment. The one I can feel and sense here. The one after this & the many lined up afterwards aren’t in anybody’s control. 

I don’t own my life as I have no guarantee of its length. And surprisingly no one can give that guarantee. Not even the astrologers, doctors, scientists, priests, nor the wealthiest and wisest human beings. And that’s how no one owns it. The only owner of it could be this very moment. What’s wonderful & bountiful is filled in this moment. One can only trust that and go ahead with life as it pleases you. Beyond this there’s no assurance or no indication of anything that might come your way.  No matter how terrible or frightening it could be, it clearly gives no such prior intimidation. Someone you used to sit, laugh, dine with yesterday could be gone by today. That’s such a heartbreaking fact, which of course many of us must have seen, heard or even lived.

Death is so final and unsettling. What remains behind are only our memories. That’s especially for the ones who mourn and are shattered after seeing their loved ones leaving the world in pain. Even for those who become awfully silent and tearless, cold as ice. Again going through turbulent emotions and extreme heartache but unable to let it out in front of anyone else or even themselves. And then there are the acquaintances who extend their condolence & remain supportive in every formal way. But worst is the category of those who lose their mental balance or identity or go through a physical trauma or an attack. This vulnerable chunk then becomes the next challenge even before coming out of the grief of the dead.

There’s no category which can be defined as right or wrong at such tragic times. And we might fall under any of these depending upon the circumstances, our bond and closeness with the dead.

Such an intense & sensitive subject; so far I have never had that nerve to write on this. Several times before I had made an attempt but couldn’t get it right. And even now it’s not going to be a guide to anyone who is going through such pain.

Nevertheless what occurred to me strongly was the fact that among all these categories what about the one who is dead. Who knows where he travels; what he goes through; whether or not he can feel the emotional pain. There are all sorts of theories about ‘after death’ in different religions and there are various rituals to be performed to ensure that the soul is at peace or finds its way to heaven.

Apart from the theories I feel the soul comes and leaves your life to show you something. It tries to give some underlying message. No matter which of the above categories you fall under and the soul might have played the smallest or biggest role in your life; the bottom line is it came in contact with you for that shortest or longest time with a purpose. May be a reason which isn’t so noticeable or obvious to our normal perception. There are some things unrecognizable to us instantly. Deep within they all have a reason to tell us, show us, teach us something new. A message to be read & comprehended beyond the conscious world. Perhaps something that exceeds even our bonding  or relationship with that person; a universal message of life for us to unravel.

Like, I have surely learnt the value of my present moment with some recent experiences. And surely trying my best not to dwell between the past and future but to focus all my energy on my NOW.

“What not to forget in Adversity”

                    “What not to forget in Adversity”

Don’t you dread those unexciting, gloomy times when you feel nothing is going right? Such moments are so stressful that they don’t let you sleep peacefully. 

Yes, I am referring to every situation which doesn’t work as per our expectations. The disappointment can appear in any manner.  It could be something smallest as forgetting to add the most important ingredient in your recipe or anything biggest like losing your most important PPT on your presentation day. From losing your phone in an auto to having hard time with your boss, from breaking up with someone you love to having a dispute with your parents to claim your freedom, from getting upset about the daily chore which got delayed to not able to understand where exactly your life is heading. Urban life is full of chaos. Our routines are filled with plenty challenges in almost every aspect.

And while this plays on our live screen, we inadvertently search for a solution in the easiest way possible at the backstage. Solutions are not always the permanent ones, but bring some relief for time being. And everyone tries this as per their own capacity, choice, beliefs, values and obviously the circumstances. So indulging in a loud party, drinking all the worries could be someone’s decision or else talking it out with the closest person overnight for hours could be an alternative for someone. Pouring your heart in your journal or smoking it up with weed could be the answer. Meditating, joining support groups can help to find peace or simply thinking over them for hours would be the only thing possible. And then at times these issues are suppressed till such a great extent that they only raise their heads when people end up having irrational fights or when they become anxious for months, years without realizing why! Perhaps this is the worst thing out of all.

No matter what it is that bothers you, it has to come to the surface. Acceptance is the foremost important step. Such perilous times steal all our positive energy and push us to the edge. Though we never physically fall, but on emotional level we lose our grip with every passing second.

All the self-help books, therapists and our well-wishers constantly try to uplift our broken spirit with greater messages. Such affirmations sound very soothing but using them in a certain way is something that most of us aren’t aware of.

So pondering over these low periods of life, it struck me that how your own research & theories can help you a great deal. Mine taught me few lessons which I would love to share.

 This might sound odd but try to give up the thought of perfection. It’s not at all important. Acceptance, as mentioned already. Become selfish and do what feels right to your senses. Stop trying the repetitive methods of solution, try alternatives and keep changing them till you are happy. Ignore and literally avoid all that triggers or increases your problem. Make mistakes and allow yourself to make many mistakes. Talk to yourself aloud in mirror or whatever that suits you. Cry and empty your heart alone or with someone who is your favorite listener. Take a break and go back to your happy times via pictures, videos or any sorts of memories. Start afresh as if nothing ever went wrong; don’t expect it to be successful or perfect even in this attempt. Just do it to enjoy the process or to tell yourself ‘hey see, I tried’! Stop thinking over who would like it or not, you love your ways- that’s all matters. Yes, listen and consider opinions but trust only your gut. Take charge and push every intangible obstacle that underestimates you.

You might lose yourself thousand times in adversity but regaining your positive self back ten thousand times is the only way out. In fact, adversity exists to remind us of our enormous powers which we seldom explore, as usually there’s no need that arises with such a great intend. It enters to stir your soul, and to turn you into something you are meant to become.

So next time you have hardship, sit back relax and just say, ‘bring it on, I have nailed many like you before and I am prepared to drown and bounce back again with this and many like these in the future.’

Ocean of Freedom.....

 

And finally the journey begins, making its way through the woods heading towards the unknown!

 

The high mountains bring the joy of witnessing the serene nature. The rocks & high walls of greenery add to the giant feel of the surrounding. The huge rocks glued on the valleys are welcoming you if you peep outside the window. The steep turns just seem never ending, It gets better as you move ahead on your way.

 

The mother nature teaches you in so many ways you cannot even imagine of. The fearless act of every living thing instills some kind of energy in your body. It gives you a silent message of following every calling of your heart. It whispers in your ear the truth of lifetime, you were born to live free, you were born to breathe free, you were made to pursue things suited to your mood,  you were meant to follow the path directing you naturally, no inhibitions can stop you from reaching the best of yourself.

No force can limit your enthusiasm. It’s you who is the designer of this path, you can build the pathway you want to see it built. You may follow the wind, you may follow the cloud, as long as you listen to the voice of your authentic self, you have no worry of getting lost.

 

You are ready to take that leap the moment you decide you are ready! There’s no one & actually no one has any control over it but you. Every desire & each random thought has to be lived fully. ‘Getting rid of all that holds you back’, is the key to your inner self. Run & run fast behind the deep calling of your soul & don’t run behind what the external “you” is leading you towards. Because the external part of you might be practical but clueless about its own existence. Follow the route to your passion which doesn’t let you stay quiet until you live it thoroughly.

 

Wandering like this might sound crazy. Isn’t it? It is. In fact totally insane. But the thrill that doesn’t let you sleep from nights after nights has to be manifested some way. And after all, what could be the best way to express it by just simply touching the deep wishes of your heart. The inner self blesses you every time you follow its instructions, it embraces you & thank you for giving it what it really wants. And the more you ignore it or hide it under the carpet it is bruised, it is hurt & it is helpless as it cannot even express how it feels. So honor this desire & bless your soul.

 

Far away from your routine when you bring yourself to the unknown just unleash all your ties. This is the time to just let be. This is not the moment of setting any boundaries. What’s wrong & right, the do’s & don’ts aren’t so important. Dive deep into the ocean of freedom & spread your wings to fly high. There’s no today & no tomorrow & no yesterday. This is the moment filled with total zest of your entire being. Let  it take you wherever you need to be, simply listen to it & cherish being alive.  

 

 

 

The invisible pieces of Peace

47 48 49 & finally ……… 50. As I was gradually reaching the last bend of this count, I sensed some enormous satisfaction from within. The triumph wasn’t only about successfully completing the 50 stomach crunches it somehow got registered as one of the feel good factors in my mind. After the state of mental or physical achievement what remained behind was ultimate peace. And that made my evening, it really helped me to think clearly. There are some moments in your day which works as a miracle, when they occur they manifest some sort of revelation. It felt as if I had conquered some challenge which worked like a breakthrough. Even my other hidden gifts have been illuminated. Unleashing this side of you can be so alluring & it surely helps to strengthen your self-worth. And whatever guides you to connect intently to your inner self, gradually leads you to peace.  

 

Wow, all this while my belief was fixed that peace can be attained by meditation, by some sort of spiritual practices or by reading such stuff or may be joining a forum that teaches you about how to better connect with self. Now all these sources are all around us these days. And so many people find them so beneficiary. They are certainly; I don’t deny that fact, I respect them because in their own way they are helping the world to find peace.  However this workout experience made me see the never seen before. Peace isn’t something that can be found in only the ways I have known so far. Yes these ways are well known and workable, but that doesn’t mean one has to be only limited to these sources. I mean I might ask or in fact I have asked this so many times that how do you concentrate on your breathing while you mediate, as I tend to lose my focus every now and then. I have even discussed this issue with my friends who meditate on a regular basis. They gave some great suggestions according to their knowledge & experience. And I tried following it in order to learn how to meditate and then find inner peace. I am not sure how far it worked though, it surely felt nice to implement their tips.

 

Nevertheless this new discovery pushed me to think beyond the conventional concepts of finding peace. Look at us, in a life full of chaos, stress, workload, responsibilities etc. most of us find it tough to either set some time aside for activities like meditation or we are bombarded with so much information that we get confused which one should be followed!

 

Hence when this little thought struck me, I immediately decided to share it with everyone who might find it helpful. And as deeply I pondered, this finding itself brought some sort of peace to my mind.

 

So here’s what happened in my head, as I was excited about the ‘workout’ combined with ‘peace finding’ therapy it drew my attention to different activities in a day. Basically I just played my routine and tried searching if I ever had felt the same way by any other task. I had become very inquisitive to find answers to several questions popping in my head. As I went on with that mysterious notion, I couldn’t believe it but I did find a lot of similar activities like workout.

When I finish my procrastinated training project, or when I cook some innovative snacks for my loved ones, grooming my pet, watching my favorite television series, the brisk walking in the evening, reading that interesting chapter of my current novel, having a heart to heart conversation with a friend, pampering myself at home, indulging into some lip smacking delicacies, having hot chocolate at my favorite coffee shop, making that most awaited trip to some exotic destination, resting in mom’s arms, watching the sunset or the crescent moon, smoking a joint after a long time and tripping over that enigmatic state. And the list goes on and on. I am sure there are many more which I can’t even recall right now. All I want to say is these different routine experiences might carry a feeling of accomplishment, fascination, serenity, happiness, satisfaction, or excitement at first but as these moments come to an end all the above emotions get transformed into peace. Maybe all of this brings me closer to myself, the real me. And that’s why it becomes apparent that this is where I have to reach ultimately. It’s like every time I have one of these experiences I visit that inner peace in smaller pieces. These various moments show me the glimpses of that immense paradise. These beautiful elements of life have great value and hence we must make them our priority as it leads us to our best path.

 

It’s just the matter of introspecting. Once you are able to identify these precious moments of your life, it automatically solves most of the doubts in your head. You realize that everything has a reason and every incidence has a meaning. You no longer wait for someone else to solve your problem, because you realize that another person can only be there as a guide but to see that route which is meant for you is only up to you to find. Everything is connected and there’s nothing irrelevant happens in our lives. All these lessons meant to proceed towards our purpose of life. It unfolds so naturally that it’s miraculous.

 

And this is how I can certainly say that peace is scattered all around us. It can be hidden in these varied experiences. It wouldn’t occur to you so easily, but living through these moments definitely meant to direct you towards peace. As it’s so clear that at the end of it there is this inexplicable stillness which fills up your mind. It could be anything, any situation good or bad, once it’s over completely there is a long silence which is motionless. This is the real moment of peace. You no longer chase it, it’s always there,  present in front of you. Mostly we fail to realize this due to the conceptual definitions of our beliefs.

 

Nonetheless this new theory has personally helped me a lot to become calm. It might sound odd but it certainly worked. May be it wouldn’t be harmful to look at peace from this perspective. By connecting it to everything that we do, we would be getting closer to it, understand it better. And as life goes on with such instances so would peace. Hence there’s certainly no end to it, as it follows in a parallel way.

 

Here’s hoping all of us to find peace through any convenient sources feasible to us. And the invisible pieces like these are truly magnificent.     

 

 

Emotions matter at work (moving towards Emotional Quotient)

Emotions matter at work (moving towards Emotional Quotient)

If I really think of it, this incident was both impressive & intriguing for me. In one of my experiential jobs a colleague of mine had shared her wisdom and if I can clearly recall yes, it was my first job. She had said, “I cannot be/should not be what I am in my personal life while I am at work. My personal image & professional image should be different”.

That was may be my first moment of ‘external intimidation’ at work. According to me, this external intimidation is the outcome of your lack of self-assurance & over inhibition of following the mediocrity. Back then it helped me like my guideline to specially get accustomed to the hospitality industry. And of course it seemed logical, after all no matter how much I hate the finicky guest I can’t gather the nerve to say this to him upfront. Irony of a lot of service industries. Those who belong to it, surely know what I am talking about. Hence the worldly accepted rule of ‘Smiling & being courteous to them no matter what!’ was the mission of all the employees. I don’t deny the fact that being genuine all the time isn’t possible. And that human tendency can be covered only by faking sometimes especially when you have to get your work done. Gradually like many I also started believing in the fact that your emotions need to be kept aside while you are at work. One has to be detached from sensitivity & just meticulously carry out his assigned task.

All these years of this worldly accepted belief started bugging me from inside. As much as I tried following it, I felt going away from myself. I couldn’t work for long time at many places & could never find the exact reason. Sometimes blamed the company, sometimes myself or otherwise just the situation. However this internal confusion made me really uncomfortable. My heart kept telling me that you are doing right & the logical messenger of the outside world kept shutting the heart’s voice. Life was going on like usual but this puzzle was constantly making me restless.

It surely puts a smile on my face when I think of the places where it didn’t matter how long I worked, but I lived thoroughly. And when I managed to go back to those days and analyze what exactly made the difference, the answer was, “I was being myself.” I allowed myself to work beyond any apprehension only when I received those connecting vibes from the people around me. I could give my 100% because I felt valued, confident, appreciated. I enjoyed my work, the environment & more importantly the people with similar wavelength. So all these factors had nothing to do with emotions? Is it? I revisited my inner confusion & that’s when a new insight hit me harder than a thunderstorm. “One cannot work without being emotionally involved”.  

We all say when we leave a job that we actually leave the boss or the people. Why many of us believe in this fact if our logic tells us to keep emotions in a baggage deep inside us? I need to feel at home mentally wherever I work. Or else the cold-wars, so called politics, silent hatred and fakeness would drain my energy to such extreme that I will no longer work for myself but for my superficial survival. And trust me the materialistic happiness has no contribution in bringing inner peace or genuine happiness. It’s as showy as your monthly paying unsatisfying job.

Well, there are no places where conflict would not take place or obstacles may not occur. But I shouldn’t lose the hope to sort those problems. And such hope can be completely lost when my emotional needs are being stamped. If my enormous energy is never being used then what’s the use of even living. I mean, just imagine someone asking you, “what do you do for survival?”, the subconscious might answer, “something that kills me every minute!”. If in case you are trapped like this and one day you recognize this truth then it’s never too late to believe in your instinct & take the right steps to bring the change.

The Intelligence Quotient (IQ) is being desired and chased by many, but it’s the need of the hour for the human race to work on their Emotional Quotient (EQ).  Perhaps not only in the books & movies but in practical work-life as well. At a time, simple and complex ability to understand, learn and manage your own emotions & other’s emotions. Who knows the ‘Kaliyuga’ might also turn as a bearable place to live together, evolve & thrive! 

Redefining the "Commitment Phobia"

Fear is such a harmful thing to one’s mind. It can destroy everything once built with a lot of hopes. You might not realize it instantly but it does have enormous negative power if you let it grow inside you. And once you give in, it may damage each & every treasury nurtured from a long time.

I could never completely understood this notion of  “commitment phobia”. In fact I kind of hated this mindset as it seemed very selfish & humiliating trend of the modern generation. My perception was limited to the concept of people being indecisive, fickle & irrational. And one question always bothered me was, why to start with something which you are not sure of? What  I conveniently forgot while judging others is that I am also the part of this world. The utter stupidity of mine- labeling any general behavioral pattern of people into one box, believing the phrases like these god knows created by whom, and shutting all the possibilities of crossing this boundary of stereotype.

Well, the reason I find it important to talk about my earlier thinking  pattern is because I am extremely happy with the new perspective I have discovered. Describing the earlier one will be helpful to specify the difference & I can’t resist this pure joy of my little discovery with everyone.

So coming to my point, If  I would be very honest to myself there’s nothing called as “commitment  phobia” exists in relationships. I don’t deny the fact that experts might have some proven theories behind it, however it’s merely just a state of weak mind. As fear itself is a sign of losing your inner strength.

 Sounds confusing? Here’s what happened when this new finding struck me. Recently while watching the movie “Eat Pray Love” alone in a hotel room, by the way that was quite a treat to my mind. A long awaited solitude needed for me, which mostly brings some new fascinating learning. Sorry , back to my topic once more…. In the movie Julia Roberts lives & enjoys the three destinations of her voyage thoroughly & it’s shown in such a lovely way that you might be tempted to live her life for a while. So this particular scene when the eat & pray episodes are done and she encounters love, this passionate self-assured woman denies it, abandons it & runs away. Exactly at this point of the story I found her vulnerable. Not when she is in the muddled, gloomy or directionless phase.

I couldn’t stop contemplating this. And somehow my heart and brain was not able to understand the logic behind such sort of fear. On top of that my preconceived notions, beliefs & personal experiences were there to add into this basic instinct. Every aspect individually helped conducing a new outlook. Trust me, it’s straight from the heart, you might want to consider giving it a thought if  you find it sensible or may be few of you must have already realized this.

While in my deep thought process it kind of started becoming clearer that it’s not about the other person at all. In fact it’s all you & only you. The reason could be plenty right from the fear of rejection, vulnerability, infidelity, disappointments, ego clashes etc. & many more. In Julia’s case in the movie it seemed a bit different though, and in fact logical one. She has just discovered her new self, has successfully found a new path, defeated her sorrow, has indulged into the total self-love, have witnessed mind-blowing series of insights  & came quite close to inner-peace. And obviously no one wants to ever risk losing this precious self path. You only understand its value when you have lived it yourself. In such times no matter how magnetic & enchanting person or relationship you come across you would hesitate going further because simply you don’t want to lose yourself. You loathe the threat of going through similar pain. What brings immense happiness to you has a greater chance of break you anytime. No doubt that any of these are not deniable. But surely can’t be categorized or named as any pattern. Each story is different. The moment of anxiety is only filled with our own self-doubts and a chaos within, no other person to be blamed. There are only circumstances & you just get to decide what kind of part you want to play in them.

 Generally we select the most frequently followed approach to address any grievance, nevertheless harmony can be only found if you dare to choose the non easy way. We sabotage the beautiful prospective moments, we lose everything for fear. A terrible fear of our own desires, worries & a pile of doubts. The root cause is not out but inside, the weak cord with “the self”, the inadequate communication with the deeper mind, very little or no efforts of making an attempt to connect to your subconscious.

I wouldn’t say that it can be easy to get rid of this weaker version but it is indeed necessary to calm yourself & at least try the non conventional approach of dealing with this age-old relationship issue. Communication is the vital key & guides you gently with your partner. But  the outer communication with the other person would be of no use if you haven’t had the talk with your inner-self before. What’s there within you can be known only to you and it’s not a cake-walk to point that. Unfolding the mysterious layers of your subconscious and confronting its fears is a lifelong task for an individual. And certainly there are no defined time frames or rules of that.

One sure thing is that it’s imperative. Why to miss out on the unknown learning & the thrill of conquering  just by being scared of the moment. Taking risk is all worth as nothing can be your best teacher but pain. Not only it would prepare you for the future but it tears you open, unleashes your hidden potential of loving, living fearlessly. And this revelation is necessary for the growth of our mind & soul. Hence do have a regular talk with “the self” and also embrace the delight of risky camaraderie.

Ultimately what matters is whether you have lived with a total zest or not! Loved the conclusive dialogue from the movie & book by Elizabeth Gilbert “to lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced life!”

There's always a second thought....

“So…… what does your gut feeling say?” Piyu asked me after our brief discussion.

“The same words echo in my head which I had heard in the first meeting with him. After all these years Piyu, I am so thrilled to start over new. It may sound corny, crazy or totally impulsive may be! 

When we have the tiff I get scared to fall into that miserable trap once again; I feel lost, confused sometimes……. I let the few uncomfortable seconds pass, the silence in my head makes it more difficult to see the reality, makes me little nervous too, the numbness in my heart reflects in my actions and then the hope kind of fades…..” I could exactly recollect all those feelings while explaining it to Piyu; this is why I loved her so much; my angelic confidant! 

“And this, …. precisely this is the moment when the negativity slowly starts creeping in your head, and you don’t even realize what exactly led you to this unpleasant sentiment”, Piyu caught me at the right moment, understood how I exactly felt.           “Never mind, sorry to interrupt, please continue…. I so want to hear this out & tell my views too” She encouraged me again.

“ Well then the world falls apart, you hate being in the state even for that brief moment, all the dreams, passion you once you had all of a sudden seem to be slipping away!.... The awkward distance weakens your belief. You loathe this hatred version of yourself & the unseen barrier of ego. I must say Piyu this is quite a challenging phase, the way you perceive it & respond to this; can actually conclude your relationship.” I was totally immersed in our conversation now.

“The second thought moment….. Am I right Minu?” She smirked. 

“Yep darling!; Quite inevitable I guess in most of our romantic relations…. This has happened with so many people I have known, the vulnerable moment which ascertains our future.” I agreed. 

 “Well yes; and it’s up to us to let this uncertainty control our mind”, She added,

“You said it! And I have managed to give it a positive direction; these obstacles have no significance if one can carefully sort out keeping the ego aside. I feel, speaking out what bothers you make things much easier. Either opt to keep silent & sulk or hold that grief of yours and express your concerns assertively. Communicating at the right time can have such a great impact on relations, I had never thought of that Piyu”.

“My my…. someone has grown up! I am amazed to hear this and very delighted Minu. In fact evolution of the relationship helps two people foresee the abundant possibilities.” She grinned, came forward & embraced me. 

“Beyond the dispute, I could feel the right path enlightened my hope. Why I focused on all the things I dislike about him & neglect those magnificent moments which we had shared. His unique way of dealing with my tantrums, being patient with me in my difficult times, supportive & considerate approach that he naturally has within him… this is what I had loved about him in fact I still love & will always love that. 

He has added some new adventure in each day, shared incredible ideas, created some impeccable memories which have stirred me equally on the intellectual & emotional level. 

And that’s how I wiped out the second thought. I realized that his worth in being him and not to mould him from every angle according to my expectations. Imposing my version of the “Ideal Him” might cost me losing his authentic existence. I may turn this pure union into some forceful bondage. Trust me it’s very difficult to see through this & accept things the way they are; but once you do that the feeling is so liberating!” I poured my heart.

“ Wonderful Minu, I hope our minds elevate to this level & we enable our senses to experience the magic of harmonious relations. Honestly, when you first started telling me about it I was scared to hear something terrible like what usually happens after the ego-clashes, disputes, disagreements & all…. But I am so glad to find that my friend has reached to this point; the total positive outlook!

The fact is that everybody encounters “the second thought” syndrome, but very few can win over the negative impulse & rise above the conventional traps. And of course if you have cultivated this mind-set then I am sure there’s someone very special behind this progress”, she winked at me. 

“Yes, he is indeed quite special” I flushed. 

The courtship stage

The unknown jitters, the fast paced heart beats & the mystical butterflies! Does it sound familiar? A lot like the courtship stage…… The incredibly exciting beginning of two hopeful hearts…. Every moment is like a dream, being happy for no specific reason & the spine-tingling feelings when you think of this special someone! The sheer thrill of the first encounter…. The dramatic phase is both pleasant & whimsical at the same time. It makes these two people so restless, perplexed & thrilled.

& this is what she asked herself when she could feel it happening…..

You, me & our starry world beyond this polluted world! Why am I not afraid of being vulnerable in front of you? Why do I understand everything that you are trying to tell me with or without words? Why you seem to be an answer to all the questions I have had in mind all these years? Something which I thought was so impossible & unreal when I used to dream about it, how come it seems so easily achievable now when you are here?

When & how this happened….? You induced this dead side of mine which even I had forgotten for so many years. How is it possible that you have felt & thought exactly the similar things which I had thought of discussing with you today?

Which is this magnetic string pulling me towards you in every conversation that we have? My soul found the pieces it had lost long back in the journey of becoming wise & literate as per the world around me. How did you make me connect to that childhood aura of my mind? Where have you got all these enigmatic surprises from?

How do you say those things I want to hear about? How can you listen & remember everything that I say & read between the lines? Waiting every moment for that charismatic moment to arrive & every moment that passes in this wait is equally beautiful. How are you able to remind me when I am actually underestimating myself? How do you help me find this passionate version of me almost every time when we interact? How do you make me come out of every negative thought that passes my mind?

How come this enchanting tuning so suddenly knocked on our doors? Why do I lose senses under this influence of lunatic adventure? How is it possible that you do and say everything that I had always wished that HE would be doing; in fact exceeding my expectations by going beyond which even HE had not done in my dreams…. Why this reality is so fascinating than the dream itself?

It’s certainly going to end one day as everything that is euphoric isn’t eternal but the heart & mind is so ready to take this leap of faith even after knowing that there could be unknown obstacles laid ahead on this path. Within this short span the kind of freedom, joy, cognition, strength, faith & trance this eyes have experienced is so inexplicable!

This journey is undoubtedly the most awaited one and I am so certain that no one would have been a better companion than you to sail through. The exceptional & unique blend of someone who has this knack of taking me to the dream world when I wish to fly & safely landing me back in the real world when I need to be back!

Immersed in your deep eyes, melodic voice, breathtaking smile & mysterious psyche, I am discovering the meaning of these two perfectly imperfect souls, unknowingly entangled without controlling each other. Hope to relish every moment of this trippy concord!

Rhythm & sensation

Lucky are those who have the passion & vision to understand the eternal beauty of art; the few fortunate people who can perceive an enchanting talent that elicits inner colours of the soul. Art certainly has many sources and many forms to manifest. The mind unleashes all its desires and imaginations with the help of these various types of art.

  

Dancing is one of the splendid art forms which has it all. An artiste with this extraordinary skill, only he can comprehend the magical trance of the rhythm, the surge, the pace, the movements, & the respiration! There are very few art forms which can be presented with a partner. One of such beautiful forms of art is the well-known Latin American Ballroom dancing.

                      

   Music is the soul of most of this kind of dance forms. Naturally there are beats, counts, steps, moves & style which should be coordinated well between the partners to make the dance look graceful. What goes beyond the technical perfection is the euphoric feeling within mind when you embrace every part of the dance moves. Why does it look so jazzy and swanky despite several moves being repeated in different ways? What makes it so unique & popular in several cultures across the world? The answer lies in experiencing this art with your own feet. Each individual may like it for different reasons, for social performances, music; the graceful representation of well-coordinated men and women’s union or merely for some fun! Irrespective of the motives, it certainly has some sort of magnetic energy which you can sense once you start living in this dance world.

It’s the fact of being present in the moment, pouring the enormous passion in form of your body movements, absorbing your senses in the act & cheerfully following the calling of your heart with every beat; all these elements perhaps make the dance look so fabulous! The men leading with their utter confidence & complete faith in their women to follow gracefully reveal the natural course of how compatible connections are built. Understanding the clues & reading the implicit senses cultivate an incredible amity.

It could be soothing, or sometimes vibrant, at times untamed or even romantic; different moods are experienced with different rhythms. Apart from the classic holds, postures, twists, turns, walks, lifts & drops, mind wanders along with the tempo & flare-up all the intense emotions in the form of dance. Elegance is easily achieved when each move is being looked upon not only as a physical movement but as an exclusive moment to represent your inner love of art.

                    

 Each performance which is created with the heart & soul of an artist is undoubtedly triumphant!

What makes you stay back?

“Relationships filled with strong emotions survive for a long and sometimes for a very long time”; may be a thought or an idea you can find only in romantic novels or movies. And is it relevant in a real life situation too? Perhaps a really complicated question and the answer may even differ according to the situations people are currently facing in their present relationships or on the basis of their past experiences.

Some with a sheer elation of a new relationship, some with a aggravation of dragging a dead relationship, some with a broken heart who have learnt their new lesson, some in a total dilemma of courtship stage hesitant to decide whether they should take that step further or not and then there are some who have stayed with each other despite all the hard times, they are the ones who have grown with each other as a human being.

  There, this last category is where all the genuine answers can be found. People sail through all the difficult times not under the obligation to stay together for a lifetime but perhaps there’s something irresistible and unique in their partner that makes them stay. A long term relationship which has gone through a lot of good and bad times is inevitably based on a lot of understanding and few unsaid sacrifices. Sometimes it can not be about finding the next best suitable option for the damage within us, in contrast it could be just about holding back for a little more time and rekindle the bond by honouring the vows once made by both of you with the natural instinct.

People evolve with time so does the relationship! Not all the changes can be adopted at the right time by two people who decide to be together; leaving each other to figure out the changes for a while may help to overcome this challenge. Distance certainly makes us crave for our routine after a while. Routine, which is not only filled with compromises or adjustments but also has a profound meaning in its existence. No, it is surely not that easy to vow of living with each other forever and giving your best to sustain the relationship at all the times. There would be definitely a lot of expectations; demands, disappointments, disagreements, and loathing also come along as a baggage; everything that would make you feel exhausted and take a toll on your mental peace.

And these are few reasons which make us run away from relationships and their burdens. It isn't possible to perhaps always escape as there would be a time where you really need that someone to be your side, nobody can understand anybody completely. But the one who understands the real you and a lot of you is the one for you!

Being loved by someone like this is an amazing feeling and loving someone insanely like this is even more enchanting. Not quitting when all the circumstances go against your will is surely painful but enduring this pain for a while can be worthy sometimes.

No relationships are perfect; not even the ones which are based on deep friendships and exceptional bonding. Nevertheless there are always these few reasons or could be one reason that makes us stay in the same relationship. Being afraid of finding that reason in the next relation may stop us from abandoning the current one. The stronger is your reason, the more determined you are to accept the true colours of your lovers. So the blend of the ability to foresee the possibilities and valuing the once strongly felt emotions land such lovers into reconciling. Beyond all the fights and agonies sometimes there’s a reason to stay back and if you happen to discover even one of such reasons then trust your impulse and make the right choice!