“Never wake me up from my fairy-tale"

Why that someone special is needed? Why do we look for 'not so casual' relationship? Why after a while being unsure about someone makes us anxious?

“No, no, not again dude, you have messed enough already,” someone freaked out so

loudly that he had everyone’s attention in the coffee shop.

“Relax, I haven’t taken that step yet, I am just kind of thinking on those lines,” came the reply from the other fellow. Well I didn’t mean to eavesdrop but a little break from the novel when you are as it is going to get disturbed didn’t seem so harmful.

“What, no, you always say that in the beginning and then eventually say you don’t have control over what happens!”, the protesting friend said.

“I know, but what to do? I had no clue that first date was going to become so interesting. I was hoping that we would just have general talk over a cup of coffee and I would head back home and nothing else. But it didn’t happen. We had freaking amazing time together… and she is so awesome dude… Do you know how multitalented this girl is…. She is an artist, a guitarist, a tarot card reader and also a fashion designer. Our conversation moves from one topic to another and it just doesn’t get boring”, he continued with sheer excitement in his voice.

The listener friend had a constant ‘I know where this will lead to’ kind of smile as he sipped his coffee looking at his ‘crazy over someone’ friend, which I could notice from the mirror at my side.

“Your Green Tea , Maa’m”, the waiter interrupted my focus on them.

This got me thinking, I wondered why people decide to get into a relationship, sometimes even after having a little idea that it might not lead where they want it to be. Why do we crave for partnership at any cost? Why do we let our heart lead shutting our logical mind? No matter how strongly we try to suppress our feelings for someone, eventually our heart gives in. Sometimes under the influence of alcohol or at times just an emotional burst out or after meeting a close friend we pour our deepest secrets. Secrets of desiring someone, feel like calling or texting that someone, want of having that someone around, or may be just hoping to see their one glance, or perhaps the wish to get closer at a deeper level than the present state, or the dream of perhaps imagining your future with them. And they all look so lovely when we actually see them oozing out of our mind may it be with any external stimulation. But once they are on the surface, you feel wonderful. If it happens alone, you are elated. If it happens while conversing with a friend you hug them tight for getting this out of your system.

But once you see them and whatever they are, you unconsciously start acting on them. It is kind of procuring a license of ‘go ahead’ which you have been waiting for without your knowledge. It seems right because now they are open in front of you. And you no more have to be confused or run away from these feelings. It starts growing on you faster than you ever thought it would.

Once you have allowed yourself facing this inhibition, all cards are turned opened in front of you, and all that remains for you to do is taking the next step.

“Yes dude, I am thinking of going to the Leh road trip with her group of her friends next month…yes…and also…. We can go to…” the new lover boy’s loud voice caught my attention.

I lost them again as it went from the Leh trip plan to the bike rides, then bikes, cars, and my attention got back to the topic of my interest.

How exciting it is in the initial stage, where we slowly discover each other’s choices, our common interests, the moment when you feel the spark in their eyes, the enigmatic phase of ‘thinking of you’, ‘missing you’, ‘can’t wait to meet you’, so on and so forth.

Where does it go wrong then? What goes wrong? How do we forget these beautiful days? The initial attraction and passion fade away, and that’s true, it does. So what glues us together? Beyond the initial spark or what motivates us to hang on or to make it work with someone? It is certainly a conscious effort to make it work, a decision made by both partners involved.

“Dude…… but ……what about  Sneha? When was the last time you spoke to her? Have you really given up on you guys? I am sorry…. If I am interfering too much… but I was just concerned as you guys have not officially broken up yet…. So…..” the curious friend’s logical question added an astonishing twist to this story, I was more intrigued than before now.

For a long time I didn’t hear any respond. I tried checking from the corner of my eye in the mirror. The lover boy’s head was in his hands and he was staring at the empty plate in front of him.

“……….. She had texted…….. She was……… I don’t want…..” his charged up voice was suddenly gloomy like an unexpected stream of rain pours & fades away in few seconds.

I hated not being able to hear the whole thing though, for a moment felt like even requesting, “Dude, could you be a little louder, please?” I smiled at my stupid thought, looking down in my cup. That’s exactly when his husky voice caught my attention.

“What’s making you smile, Nisha”, he asked taking off his coat, settling in the chair in front of me.

“Nothing, I was just ……. Well… forget that… How have you been?”

“First of all, Sorry, I kept you waiting, I would be lying if I say I have been happy without your texts, calls, or our meetings…” Both of us went quiet.

We had been together from past three years, and today was the exact day, when we had met each other in the same coffee shop. From foreign trips to our bank account’s passwords, from our professional struggles to our family issues, from our fears to our success we had shared more than it was possible to delete now. But still we had decided to delete. Why? I surely don’t know. But somewhere I felt that I waited too long for him to take the next step, to ask me to marry him, which he never did. He had his own logical reasons, responsibilities of his house, and though we did discuss this in the past, we never really came to any realistic conclusion, and that used to piss me off even more. Hence I had to put an end to this one sided driven relationship, I felt like giving it some destiny, perhaps even he felt so. But it wasn’t happening in reality. And then one of the cold winter nights, I had told him that we should move on.

His eyes had changed a lot from that night. I saw pain but no expectations in them. Or was it there? Did he expect me to talk about getting back together?

“Hey Nish…. here’s all your stuff”, my heart stopped listening to that ‘Nish’ sound in his tone; felt like that Nish was being called once again. And she was lost, completely lost.

He handed me a heavy bag of all my belongings which remained at his place, my extra pair of clothes, cosmetics, our photo frames, and lot of memories which might going to turn into thorns for him and for me too, may be.

“I have already sent your courier as I mentioned in the text, it may reach you by this weekend,” I told him trying not to look into his eyes, which were now slightly moist.

“Thank you, for everything” he smiled pushing his chair back holding the table with his hands, I just couldn’t look away. His smile……!

I got up from my chair too without saying anything, was trying to bid a goodbye. He started towards the door, perhaps with a heavy heart dragging his feet, and suddenly he just turned around and asked, “Fuck this shit, do you want to give us another chance, Nish, please? I so want to…..”

And that’s exactly when my stupid phone beeped loudly flashing a what’s app text filled with hearts from Aditya “Baby…. 6:30 sharp today? Hope u r done with ur meeting with Ninad, and got all ur stuff back. Can’t wait to see u my love…” Ninad saw that too. It was too loud not to notice.

“Well…. I guess you don’t want to…..” he left neither finishing his sentence nor his coffee.

I didn’t stop him. I had to reach my new adventure before it could turn to this level, before I could face this reality with him too; I refused anything and everything that might get me out of my fairytale.