Redefining the "Commitment Phobia"

Fear is such a harmful thing to one’s mind. It can destroy everything once built with a lot of hopes. You might not realize it instantly but it does have enormous negative power if you let it grow inside you. And once you give in, it may damage each & every treasury nurtured from a long time.

I could never completely understood this notion of  “commitment phobia”. In fact I kind of hated this mindset as it seemed very selfish & humiliating trend of the modern generation. My perception was limited to the concept of people being indecisive, fickle & irrational. And one question always bothered me was, why to start with something which you are not sure of? What  I conveniently forgot while judging others is that I am also the part of this world. The utter stupidity of mine- labeling any general behavioral pattern of people into one box, believing the phrases like these god knows created by whom, and shutting all the possibilities of crossing this boundary of stereotype.

Well, the reason I find it important to talk about my earlier thinking  pattern is because I am extremely happy with the new perspective I have discovered. Describing the earlier one will be helpful to specify the difference & I can’t resist this pure joy of my little discovery with everyone.

So coming to my point, If  I would be very honest to myself there’s nothing called as “commitment  phobia” exists in relationships. I don’t deny the fact that experts might have some proven theories behind it, however it’s merely just a state of weak mind. As fear itself is a sign of losing your inner strength.

 Sounds confusing? Here’s what happened when this new finding struck me. Recently while watching the movie “Eat Pray Love” alone in a hotel room, by the way that was quite a treat to my mind. A long awaited solitude needed for me, which mostly brings some new fascinating learning. Sorry , back to my topic once more…. In the movie Julia Roberts lives & enjoys the three destinations of her voyage thoroughly & it’s shown in such a lovely way that you might be tempted to live her life for a while. So this particular scene when the eat & pray episodes are done and she encounters love, this passionate self-assured woman denies it, abandons it & runs away. Exactly at this point of the story I found her vulnerable. Not when she is in the muddled, gloomy or directionless phase.

I couldn’t stop contemplating this. And somehow my heart and brain was not able to understand the logic behind such sort of fear. On top of that my preconceived notions, beliefs & personal experiences were there to add into this basic instinct. Every aspect individually helped conducing a new outlook. Trust me, it’s straight from the heart, you might want to consider giving it a thought if  you find it sensible or may be few of you must have already realized this.

While in my deep thought process it kind of started becoming clearer that it’s not about the other person at all. In fact it’s all you & only you. The reason could be plenty right from the fear of rejection, vulnerability, infidelity, disappointments, ego clashes etc. & many more. In Julia’s case in the movie it seemed a bit different though, and in fact logical one. She has just discovered her new self, has successfully found a new path, defeated her sorrow, has indulged into the total self-love, have witnessed mind-blowing series of insights  & came quite close to inner-peace. And obviously no one wants to ever risk losing this precious self path. You only understand its value when you have lived it yourself. In such times no matter how magnetic & enchanting person or relationship you come across you would hesitate going further because simply you don’t want to lose yourself. You loathe the threat of going through similar pain. What brings immense happiness to you has a greater chance of break you anytime. No doubt that any of these are not deniable. But surely can’t be categorized or named as any pattern. Each story is different. The moment of anxiety is only filled with our own self-doubts and a chaos within, no other person to be blamed. There are only circumstances & you just get to decide what kind of part you want to play in them.

 Generally we select the most frequently followed approach to address any grievance, nevertheless harmony can be only found if you dare to choose the non easy way. We sabotage the beautiful prospective moments, we lose everything for fear. A terrible fear of our own desires, worries & a pile of doubts. The root cause is not out but inside, the weak cord with “the self”, the inadequate communication with the deeper mind, very little or no efforts of making an attempt to connect to your subconscious.

I wouldn’t say that it can be easy to get rid of this weaker version but it is indeed necessary to calm yourself & at least try the non conventional approach of dealing with this age-old relationship issue. Communication is the vital key & guides you gently with your partner. But  the outer communication with the other person would be of no use if you haven’t had the talk with your inner-self before. What’s there within you can be known only to you and it’s not a cake-walk to point that. Unfolding the mysterious layers of your subconscious and confronting its fears is a lifelong task for an individual. And certainly there are no defined time frames or rules of that.

One sure thing is that it’s imperative. Why to miss out on the unknown learning & the thrill of conquering  just by being scared of the moment. Taking risk is all worth as nothing can be your best teacher but pain. Not only it would prepare you for the future but it tears you open, unleashes your hidden potential of loving, living fearlessly. And this revelation is necessary for the growth of our mind & soul. Hence do have a regular talk with “the self” and also embrace the delight of risky camaraderie.

Ultimately what matters is whether you have lived with a total zest or not! Loved the conclusive dialogue from the movie & book by Elizabeth Gilbert “to lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced life!”